The Life and Times...

2010-11-15T22:35:00.002-07:00

I'm in the process of importing all of my posts from all of my blogs to Life:Merging. Please make any updates you need to if you want to keep up with me. Thanks!

2010-07-14T21:42:00.001-07:00

Job hunt update

Now it's really official!

2010-07-07T17:05:00.001-07:00

All it takes is a piece of paper to make me feel like I've really accomplished something...or lots of papers (like finishing a book).

I can't believe it's REALLY over though. Now I just need a job...

Don't forget to check out my new blog: Life in Purple & Green

2010-05-17T20:32:00.000-07:00

GPA = 4.0

Too bad they don't offer money to those of us that finish with perfect grades!

I can't believe it's really over...now I just have to wait for my degree to come in the mail!

To celebrate...

2010-05-15T09:54:00.000-07:00

To always remember the pain of school...I got a tattoo.

Meet Sally:

Sally lives in the center of my back...and she is sassy!

2010-05-14T23:21:00.003-07:00

Happy Graduation to ME!

the wait.

2010-05-10T14:13:00.000-07:00

I hate waiting for grades...even though I turned in (almost) every assignment, I still get this awful feeling in my tummy that screams failure.

Not to mention I've been having this re-occuring dream where I've skipped a class all semester. Despite the fact that most of my work is online doesn't seem to avert the fear that I've missed something.

Only one of my professors is on top of it...Thank you, Dr. Malone for being a stellar professor since my first semester. Because of her, I regained my interest in the practical side of librarianship. She really is amazing. Her assignments were always a challenge, but they improved my search skills immeasurably. Love her...now if only ALL professors could be as amazing as her...

2010-05-07T16:02:00.002-07:00

I just turned in my last final! Now I just need grades!

Notice...

2010-05-06T15:47:00.002-07:00

I wanted to let all of my loyal readers know that I'm going to be transitioning to a new blog...school is almost over and real life will begin soon. This blog has been great for the last year and a half, but I'm not going to be a student anymore!

The new blog is here: Life in Purple & Green

A Self-Reflexive Essay...

2010-05-06T15:35:00.001-07:00

One of my final assignments was to look at the work I've done on my tutorial and discuss the process. This has been one of the most incredibly projects and I learned so much...thought I would share my essay with everyone here...
Creating a tutorial to foster information literacy is a far more challenging task than one may think. After attempting to create a tutorial of available resources at John C. Lincoln Health Network, it is clear that incorporating all of the suggested characteristics of a good tutorial is an ambitious undertaking. Choosing a topic to cover, finding the perfect design for the resource, and finally creating and editing the tutorial have been thought-provoking and insightful.

Perhaps the most difficult aspect of this process was deciding on a topic. There are thousands of web-based tutorials available for users and attempting to find a topic that has not been done before seemed impossible. There were several options looked into before choosing to create a resource for John C. Lincoln (JCL) employees. One of the options was to create a resource for nurses; however, there are dozens of resources for nurses, many of which are incredibly well-done. The network-based tutorial was finally selected because a resource was not available for JCL employees. The current librarian has only utilized face-to-face training and usually in a one-on-one or small group environment. Additionally, upon employment with JCL, it was observed that few employees know of the thousands of electronic journals available and even fewer know that government resources are available. Furthermore, many resources are scattered throughout the JCL Network. Only one of the two hospitals has a staffed library and at one time the homepage for the two hospitals differed, one had library access, the other did not. In addition, the library catalog does not link to the electronic journals made available through the Arizona Health Information Network (AZHIN) consortia agreement. Not only does the JCL Network include the hospitals, many physician practices depend on the library for resources. However, they cannot access UpToDate or AZHIN resources due to the limited licensing agreements. Basically, creating a tutorial that describes the resources available to JCL employees, both local and government,was desperately needed.

The next challenge was determining how to design the resource. While most at the hospital would prefer face-to-face training or no training at all, finding a balance in design was important. The employees at JCL include experienced physicians and brand new nursing graduates. The information literacy among the employees varies greatly and the variety in learning levels had to be considered in the tutorial design. The textbook and the two articles required for Excersie #2 by Dewald and Somoza-Fernandez & Abadal articles were a great help in deciding the design and what should be incorporated. Also, the hospital's security and limits in technology had to be considered. Many hospital computers do not have audio capabilities, in fact, only one of the library computers has speakers. Additionally, most websites are blocked by the hospital's information technology (IT) department for a great number of reasons – some sensible, some not so sensible. PowerPoint was not the greatest option for this type of tutorial because it would limit the browsing capabilities sought after. Even Elluminate would not have beneficial because it would have created the same limitations as PowerPoint. Finally, a simple website was decided on so that navigation would not be limited to one set order and many different learning levels could be incorporated. For instance, not many physicians would be interested in CINAHL, but everyone would want to know about AZHIN or UpToDate. By creating a website, users can select which resource they want to look at and go directly there without having to worry about fast forwarding.

The creating and editing portion of the project have been the least painful aspects. Once the design was decided, it was simply a matter of creating the tutorial. While there were some difficulties along the way, such as how to create screen shots with a limited set of tools, overall, the final product has been a small success. The rough draft initially created, was exactly that: rough. However, it was a great starting point and feedback from both the instructor and a peer evaluator were helpful in deciding how to make the resource more of an information literacy tool than an instructional website. While the final product does not incorporate all of the aspects desired, it is a great starting point for creating additional JCL tutorials for employees at a later date.

This project has been a great learning tool. There are aspects of the final product that were straightforward, while other aspects still need to be changed. As employment in the library of John C. Lincoln continues, more resources will be created to add to this one. There are several desirable additions that were not technological available at this time. One simple addition would be a site map; however, it proved too difficult by the project due date. As a relation is developed with the IT department, it may be possible to add brief videos showing how-to start a search. Also, seeking permission to use UpToDate images will be continued since the corporation seems reluctant to allow screen shots. Eventually, learning about library resources will be a much larger part of new employee orientation and perhaps courses can be offered through the hospital's Net Learning program. This tutorial is simply the beginning of a much larger group of tutorials to help educate John C. Lincoln's employees on the resources available to them, both at home and while at work.

This project made it possible to try new things and see what could go wrong without having to go through the hospital's IT resources. However, now that this tutorial has been created, the confidence is there to seek out additional library web space through JCL and perhaps create a tutorial permanently linked to the hospital's homepage. The experience has been an incredible help in building the confidence necessary to ask for what is needed and to establish much needed access to the library's resources. If the employees are not aware of the resources, they will not use them and one day it might mean there is no John C. Lincoln librarian. This is just the beginning of a huge effort to create awareness and eventually make JCL a hospital network full of information literate employees.

References
Dewald, N. (1999). Transporting good library instruction practices into the web environment: an analysis of online tutorials. Journal of Academic Librarianship, 25(1), 26-32.

Grassian, E. & Kaplowitz, J. (2009). Information literacy instruction. New York: Neal Schuman Publishers, Inc.

Somoza-Fernandez, M. & Abadal, E. (2009). Analysis of web-based tutorials created by academic libraries. Journal of Academic Librarianship, 35(2), 126-131.

procrastinating and sick...

2010-05-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

There is a reason I prefer The Vampire Diaries and Buffy over Twilight...neither Buffy or Elena beg their vampire lovers to turn them into evil bloodsuckers. Age ain't nothin' but a number and at least Buffy and Elena get that, Bella OBSESSES over it. She's 18, why is she so consumed by a number?!

Explanation for above...I just watched New Moon and it really angers me that she doesn't choose Jake.

Two more finals to write, but I have a cold so I took today off. I'll get back in the game tomorrow.

2010-05-04T21:09:00.001-07:00

all done in 10 days...just two more exams to write and i'll be a real librarian!

in other news...i've discovered a book that was on my bookshelf that is perfect for all of my fellow twentysomethings: It's a Wonderful Lie...can't wait to read more of the essays!

2010-04-28T21:58:00.001-07:00

In just a matter of days, I will no longer need or have to log-on to D2L...what am I going to do with my time?

2010-04-27T21:20:00.003-07:00

Dear Professors,

Thanks for dumping on MORE work and making it due BEFORE all of the other work that you've already assigned. The next week is going to suck.

Melissa

P.S. I can't wait to be finished. I'm over it. If I get 3 B's this semester, I will deal. I've had a 4.0 this entire program, I can handle it going to a 3.something. I just want to be done with school.

2010-04-25T22:20:00.001-07:00

I am not ready for everything to be due next week. May has snuck up on me and I've got SO much due. Oh boy...

However, once everything is complete, I will be ready to graduate. And that means, I can get my graduation tattoo! I discovered this photo and I love it. My tattoo will focus on the girl, I think. I'm still not sure where to get it though...I was thinking my back, but I also like the idea of getting the girl on one side and then get a stack of books on the other side (perhaps with the titles of some of my favorites...). Any ideas on placement?

2010-04-23T11:32:00.000-07:00

I need to be full time and a pay increase of at least $7 an hour in order to ever move out of my sister's house. Looks like I'll be looking for a second job.

2010-04-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

i've often wondered why my mom doesn't have friends. my parents never went on dates when i was little. when i was sixteen i discovered i had a half-sister from a dalliance my dad had a couple years after my parents were married. sometimes i wonder if that's the reason my mom doesn't have friends. she has co-workers and her sisters, but no friends. my dad has friends. he always has, people he's gone into business with and he shares interests with.

sometimes i think my mom doesn't have friends because she was always had a kid around. my oldest sister is 15 years older than me, my brother is 12 years older, and vanessa is 7 years older. maybe it's because of me...i came along too late and ruined her chance of friendship. or maybe she didn't have friends before. maybe my dad caused some incommunicable distrust among other women and my mom. my understanding is that she was friendly with the girl my dad had the affair with. or maybe her sisters have always been enough, they are only a few years apart.

there are three of them. my mom is the youngest and her oldest sister is only 4 years older than her. perhaps they were just always close and they didn't need anyone else. my aunt has friends though. people she would always be talking on the phone with. as far as i know, my mom only ever talks to her sisters and her kids on the phone these days.

sometimes i think i'm a lot like my mom in that i don't really need friends. i have friends, but i have to work very hard to keep them. i have to make an effort to return calls or to just answer the phone when they call. friends take work and i've got to get better or i will end up with zero friends (and probably no children) and i will be alone.

2010-04-20T20:32:00.000-07:00

the life insurance claim was denied. the universe sucks. v doesn't deserve all of the bad things that have happened to her over the last year. she does nothing but good things for everyone around her and the universe shits on her.

please let this be the end of the bad...it has to get better, right?

2010-04-18T18:32:00.000-07:00

less than one month til graduation...

two websites built (jclresources.weebly.com & illcopyright.weebly.com)...the first is just a draft...still lots to do, the second i am turning in tomorrow!

one paper...one resume/cover letter assignment...one self-reflexive paper...one case study...one final...lots of little assignments in between.

BUT...I'm almost done...which means in less than a month i will be a real LIBRARIAN! just like nancy pearl.

Librarians are cool...

2010-04-05T20:28:00.000-07:00

Even Keith Richards wanted to be one...in fact, he attempted to organize his bookshelves following Dewey Decimal Classification. Can't wait to read his book for myself so I can see if this is true!

My Charted Hand...

2010-04-02T15:25:00.000-07:00

A look back...the first ePort

2010-04-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

I never thought it possible to learn so much in seven days, but 504 showed me that anything can happen in Library School. Before this program started, I was nervous to put myself in a position to be judged. Judged by professors and other students, but this past week has shown me that SIRLS is not your typical graduate program. It was a great experience to meet with all of the other students starting this experience with me and to meet most of the professors. Through all of the modules covered, I know that I have a great base of knowledge for every class that I will take through my career at SIRLS.

One of the most challenging projects completed during the entire four weeks of 504 was the Issue Paper . After the mountains of readings, the most difficult task was trying to pick just one issue to tackle in a short paper. Despite the difficulties, I learned a great deal from the experience of searching through databases and gathering information about my topic, children’s access to materials in public libraries. Additionally, I experienced first-hand the difficulties presented by the Library of Congress Classification system as well as confusion in dealing with Library of Congress Subject Headings. I think my experience researching my topic gave me more insight into how a patron feels when using an unfamiliar classification system. I definitely appreciate my own research skills developed, although a little rusty, from my job at my college’s library. I look forward to building on my research skills and finding new and better ways to access information resources.

While the readings prior to the seven day intensive were overwhelming, I have never before enjoyed readings for a class. It was refreshing to discover that I have chosen the correct field for myself. Finally, classes with content that I really want to delve into and dissect, subjects and information that I can form opinions on and defend because I am passionate about what I am learning. The different topics, like ethical issues and values for Information Professionals and diversity in libraries, really opened my eyes to the depth that SIRLS curriculum goes into. Additionally, I read about the economics of libraries and intellectual freedom and censorship. There was such a wide-range of topics and issues it was exciting and awe-inspiring at the same time.

Before 504, I thought I wanted to work in an Academic Library or a Law Library. I loved being in college and working in my college’s libraries was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I also really love the law, how it changes and evolves as our culture changes amazes me. I thought an Academic Law Library would be the perfect place for me, but 504 opened my eyes a little more. I realized during 504 that I do not want to be a practitioner. While I love libraries and everything the institution of a library stands for, working in a library is not what I see myself doing. I love the issues surrounding libraries - intellectual freedom, copyright, children’s access. Through the professional development modules and our group project on types of libraries, this course helped me see that I have other options and after I complete my degree, I intend to apply to either Law School or to the SIRLS Doctoral Program. Of course, I know that with every course I take, my professional goals may also change; that is part of the excitement.

Technological advances affect everyone everyday. However, even with my experience working in libraries, I did not realize how much technology affected a librarian. After 504, I know that I have to beef up my technological skills. Even if I do not want to be a practitioner, RSS feeds, blogs, wikis, xml, and that which has yet to come, will play a part in my professional career.

I have never experienced a course as intense or as fulfilling as 504. By the end of our week in Tucson, I knew that I had developed a true understanding of the basic elements of information resources and library science. I am incredibly excited to begin my journey here at SIRLS and cannot wait to see, hear, and read more about the world of Information Resources and Library Science.

2010-03-30T18:18:00.000-07:00

I have lost all motivation...I am over homework. I changed my topic in my Copyright class for my final project because trying to create a website dealing with International Copyright was overwhelming. I have changed my topic to Copyright and ILL in Medical Libraries. I need to create a survey to email out to a listserv I'm a part of (CABL if you're really interested). The issue arose because of another listserv (MEDLIB) that has a large audience. Someone asked what people did in regard to electronic sharing and it made me wonder how people keep track of what they share...do people follow the CONTU guidelines? So I need to create the survey to email...and hope for responses...but I've lost all motivation. The entire project is due in two weeks. I really need to get on it.

My other big project is my web-based tutorial...eh...over it. I just want to graduate!

2010-03-23T21:23:00.000-07:00

Jillian Michaels kicked my butt.

My sister and our neighbor have decided to lose weight...and I didn't want to be left out! It seems like a great concept...20 minutes of working out a day for 30 days and lose 20 lbs. It even sounds simple. Don't let it fool you. We did the first workout last night and I'm still in pain. Those other crazies did it again tonight and I'm pretty sure they aren't going to be able to walk tomorrow. I took a shower instead of killing myself tonight...you've got to know your limits!

Hand Readings by Kate

2010-03-21T22:08:00.000-07:00

I had my first palm reading today. I am a skeptic, but Kate was very thorough and surprisingly dead on. She's done about 20 readings this weekend and has been accurate for pretty much all of them. I have known Kate for a little while, she is a friend of my sister's...and we haven't had the best history. But today was a good day. It was really good to talk to someone about stuff and hear what she had to say. I definitely recommend checking out her website if you're interested....she even does recorded sessions so you can just scan your hand! Very cool.

Hand Readings by Kate

2010-03-16T18:17:00.001-07:00

Applying for jobs is not easy. Every job has a different form to fill out...I have re-created my resume 10,000 times! Whatever happened to submitting a cover letter, resume, and a couple of references and calling it a day?!

The End is Near

2010-03-15T18:26:00.001-07:00

As my last semester comes to a close, I am both excited and scared to embark on my new career. The job market is not ideal for a new graduate so I am filled with doubt about whether I am good enough for the few jobs that are out there. Not to mention, I constantly question whether I have absorbed enough information to allow me to enter the job market or if I have even selected the right profession. Did I take the right classes? Do I have enough experience? Will the job market improve? Am I a good fit for this profession?

While I question myself, I do not question the education I have received. I have had the opportunity to connect and learn with fellow students from a variety of backgrounds. Through everyone’s unique situations, I have learned valuable lessons. For instance, it is possible for a young mother to return to school though it may not be easy or that after a twenty-year career in retail/education/hospitality, it is possible to start over.

My courses at SIRLS have provided me with a range of information from practical skills to theory-based knowledge. At times, I resented the SIRLS CORE classes, but now that I am finished, I am so grateful for the thought and consideration that goes into deciding our foundational knowledge. Because of 506, I am better equipped to read and comprehend quantitative research and perhaps even write and publish a paper in the field. The final project in Professor Atkinson's class was challenging, but fun. By picking a research study and analyzying the other cited studies in the paper, one can see that not all research is built on a sturdy foundation.

Thanks to the technology course requirement, I have a better understanding of what the future holds for the library science profession from a technological perspective. In Professor Botticelli's course 574 Digital Libraries, I was able to take a closer look at what it takes to build and develop a digital collection. Other courses have also built on my technology skills. In 584 with Dr. Mathieson, I will be building a website to go along with my final project on Interlibrary Loan and Copyright Compliance in Medical Libraries. Also, in Dr. Malone's Information Literacy Instruction course, I am creating a web-based tutorial that will dicuss the resources available to staff at a local hospital. In addition to the tutorial project, I have also learned what is necessary for good Information Literearcy Instruction in Dr. Malone's course. The first of two exercises in her 585 course instructed us to take a closer look at what kind of help resources are available in vendor databases. And the second exercise asked us to evaluate a web-based tutorial. Both exercises have helped me discover just what is necessary for good web-based instruction. Finally, due to the management requirement, I have been able to look back at my experiences as a manager and see where I can improve and mold my skills to fit a library setting as opposed to a retail setting.

Though looking for jobs can be discouraging in the current economic climate, a few posted jobs have piqued my interest, and my SIRLS education has given me the confidence to apply for jobs I would have never previously considered. Due to SIRLS offering an excellent array of courses, I have been able to receive an outstanding education that has set me up to be a top contender for any job I apply for (despite my own silly insecurities).

My experiences throughout the last 18 months have been incredibly varied. I have worked three jobs and attended face-to-face class; been unemployed and attended online courses; and worked part-time and attended online courses. My jobs and activities have ranged from barista, to nanny, to graduate assistant, to library assistant, to blogger and each job taught me a little more about myself. I even moved to Tucson for a few months before family duty called me back to the Phoenix metro area. I have been busy for the last year and a half, but I have also learned a lot. Both the theory-based courses, like Introduction to Copyright, and the practice-based courses, like Planning and Evaluation of Libraries and Information Centers, have prepared me for my future as a librarian. Though I worry about my future, I know that I am ready for graduation and all the new challenges that I will face as this next stage in my life begins.

Indecisive me

2010-03-10T11:43:00.000-07:00

I'm a horrible decision maker...when it comes to picking what I want at a restuarant, I can narrow it down to a few selections but I can't pick. Usually, I make the person I'm with choose for me.

Sadly, my indecisive nature has carried over into my future plans. I've considered both law and nursing...how different can they be? But I think that for now, I'm just going to stick with being a librarian. The closer I get to finishing, the less I want to deal with more school and even more student loans. An education is pricey and with my loans already hovering around $100,000, I can't imagine taking out any more.

Not only is money a concern, I've really started to love libraries again. My job at the public library caused some serious burnout, but my current job has reminded me of why I wanted to go to library school in the first place. I still love the legal aspects of librarianship (intellectual property, privacy rights, etc), but I can have an impact in those areas without law school. I also really love helping people and I don't have to be a nurse to help...people require many different kinds of help.

Not to mention, there are some stellar librarian positions available right now and if all works out I will be moving back east. But if it doesn't happen, that's OK because it's not that bad here in Arizona. I am getting the itch to move though...

I'm going to keep applying to jobs and finish up this semester...and keep the magical thoughts flowing out into the universe. What is meant to be will be...

2010-03-09T23:47:00.000-07:00

I just applied for my first real Librarian position...with the Senate! *magical thinking*

There are a few more positions that I am applying to...but this one closed the earliest. It's still exciting though! I'm going to be a REAL LIBRARIAN like Nancy Pearl. If only I had my own action figure...

it's that time...

2010-03-07T19:30:00.001-07:00

OK...finally saw The Hurt Locker and Avatar. Both were pretty amazing films, but I don't think either one of them are all that Oscar-worthy...is it just me or have movies gone downhill? What happened to the Gone with the Winds, the Bravehearts, and the Gladiators (one of my all-time favorite movies)? You know, truly epic movies that really TELL a story. In many ways, Avatar does that better than The Hurt Locker, but it's a little too Fern Gully...how about telling a more original story Jimmy C? I would rather see Up! win (which made me cry in the first 20 minutes...and perhaps is not all that kid-friendly), even District 9 was a little more epic. I don't know, maybe I'm just not feeling the Academy this year. Anyway, it's not like I get a vote.

2010-02-27T13:09:00.001-07:00

I have a project proposal due tomorrow for my Copyright class and I'm stuck.

The assignment:

Research and engage in some practial action with regard to copyright. Present the results of your project to the class and write a paper that discusses the issues and describes your activity.

I have no idea what to do. I thought about creating a website that discusses the differences in Canadian vs US copyright law especially in relation to educational uses and parodies. Or something about Creative Commons. Or something on copyright law for hospital librarians...I have no idea. This is difficult. Any ideas? Anyone?

2010-02-25T19:38:00.001-07:00

a dream job has been posted with the drug enforcement adminstration...as a librarian...i am totally applying.

Conference Time...

2010-02-25T18:24:00.003-07:00

Through my current employer and with my student discount, I was able to attend the 2010 Joint Meeting of the Medical Library Group of Southern California and Arizona (MLGSCA) and the Northern California and Nevada Medical Library Group (NCNMLG). I am incredibly lucky that this conference was held locally because I would have missed out if it had been in San Francisco or Las Vegas. Through this conference, I was able to learn more about the profession and about myself as a future librarian. It was an amazing opportunity to meet and speak with profesional librarians, to see and hear presentations from an interesting array of library professionals, and to mix and mingle with a variety of vendors and exhibitors.

While this conference was specific to those with an interest in medical libraries, it was a great learning experience for a student interested in any branch of our field. The obvious advantage to attending any library conference is that one can see how they work – meaning, what is the format, what is a poster presentation, and what exactly happens at an association’s business meeting? By seeing how the conference works, I am better prepared to speak to a future employer about why it is important for librarians to attend and why conference registration fees should be included in the budget.

One excellent feature of this conference was the lunch-time Round Table Discussions. Each participant was in a group that was given a specific topic to discuss; my topic was “Marketing Your Library”. It was great to hear what librarians have done to market their libraries in both academic and hospital settings. In many instances, librarians are working in small groups or alone and without these conference opportunites, many librarians may not know what kind of tools and resources are available. In my current position as a Library Assistant at a hospital library, typically, I am at the library alone. The librarian only works part-time and we have conflicting schedules. By attending this conference and the discussion, I was able to learn about where to apply for grants and about free resources available to my library.

This conference was also a way for me to see that new graduates can get great jobs. One of my fears is that I will not have enough experience to get a job that I really want when I graduate. I am very afraid of settling for the wrong job. However, at this conference, I saw presentations from librarians that have only been out of school for two years or less. It was very comforting to know that even new library school grads can find jobs.

Overall, this was a wonderful experience to hear about the hot topics in medical libraries and to meet future employers and current peers. It is unfortunate that budget cuts have greatly affected how many people can attend conferences, but now I know how important and helpful conferences can be. Perhaps the most important thing I learned from attending is that conferences are worth the money and conference fees should rarely be cut from library budgets. Attending this conference was a great opportunity for a new librarian and one I hope more students can experience.

SelfPortraits and BookShelves

2010-02-24T20:38:00.006-07:00

I've always been a fan of the self-portrait. You can really learn what people like and dislike about themselves. I am also a huge fan of books and I think you can learn a lot about someone by looking at their bookshelves...today you will learn a little more about me.

I take pictures of myself a lot...more than one should, but I like to know what I look like. This has been happening ever since my sister bought me a digital camera in 2005. I was so bored that summer after graduation that I took hundreds of photos of myself. I had nothing else to do...3 months of hanging out by the pool can lead one to do crazy things.

It didn't stop after I got a job though...however, there was a long pause. I pause so long that there is one year where there are only two photos of my...total. That would be 2007 when Sydney was born. I digress...let's move on to Jan 2009, I was living alone in Tucson and I was bored. I hadn't even finished unpacking yet...but I never really finished unpacking.

I was only there for a few months...I didn't really have any friends...at one point I worked 3 jobs and went to school full-time. I was busy, but not busy enough to ignore taking my own photo! Now I make sure that my existence is documented.

There were times this past summer where I got really bored...again, no job and a lot of time on my hands.When my family came to visit, I made sure I was in photos...even if I had to take them myself. Like the image to the right of our trip to the Grand Canyon. Aren't those sunglasses great?!

Looking over this past year of self-portraits, what really amazes me is my hair. In the 2005 photo, you can kind of see my hair color, it's this brown/red mixture that other people like...I think it's washed out. Thus I dye my hair black. The years in between, I had very long hair, I cut it in April 2008...and it's this wavy mess. Oh my hair...I'm growing it out again. Anyway, back to this past summer...

It was a rough summer...Mark, unemployed, school. The thing that made me happiest was my bookshelves in my room, so I spent a lot of time in my room...with my books...and sometimes with my camera.

A pause from the self-portraits for a moment...I bought a new bookshelf and then I realized just how often I spend with those books and my bookshelf. I love books. I mean, I am going to library school so that I can spend my day surrounded by books. It only makes sense that my room has a lot of books.

That's not even everything...there's another shelf in the opposite corner. Eventually, my CDs will leave the bookshelf because I'm going to need more room for books...I have more books at my parent's house in Florida!

My point about the bookshelves is that you can tell a lot about someone when you take a look at the books on their shelves. Looking at the titles can tell you about a person's politics, their religion, or if they're a romantic. What genres, what authors, what time period...there's so much to learn from a bookshelf.

It was my obsessive photo-taking this last month that lead me to the bookshelf thoughts because for whatever reason I was in front of my bookshelf...here's February:

Totally weird how I always pose the same way...oh the things you notice when you stare at hundreds of pictures of yourself...

I have also decided to stop coloring my hair black...or at least not as black.

I really like red lips and my lips are one of my favorite features.

I love bangs.

Darcy and my Nancy Pearl action figure are two of my favorite gifts ever.

I wear tank tops all the time...even when it's cold. If it's too cold, I just throw a sweater on.

I have A LOT of tank tops and sweaters.

Anyway...enough about me. Tell me about you.

P.S.

A brief map of my bookshelf...

Award Winners

2010-02-24T10:13:00.003-07:00

For many years, I have been trying to read all of the Pulitzer Prize winning fiction...it's a lot of books and I have not done that great. Of the 83 winners in the novel/fiction category, I have read 10. However, those 10 have taught me that just because a book wins a prize, it doesn't mean it's any good. The few I've read are:

The Good Earth (1932) - I had to read it in high school...I still rememberWang Lung, Lotus and the ugly wife...however, I'm sure I didn't like it at the time!
Gone with the Wind (1937) - One of my favorites! I think everyone should read this book!
The Grapes of Wrath (1940) - Another required reading, pretty sure the chapter about a turtle crossing the road ruined it for me.
To Kill A Mockingbird (1961) - Awesome...I've read it more than once.
A Confederancy of Dunces (1981) - HATED IT!
The Color Purple (1988) - I really didn't get it, I have no idea what the fuss is all about!
Lonesome Dove (1986) - Love this book. One of my top 10 favorite books.
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay (2001) - Enjoyed it. It made me want to read comic books.
Empire Falls (2002) - I think I liked it. Obviously, it wasn't terribly memorable.
Middlesex (2003) - Great book...read it more than once!

Of course, I own several of the books that I have not read becaues I have a horrible habit of buying lots of books and then not reading them. I'll get to them because seeing this list of so few makes me very sad.

Another goal I've had is to read at least one book by each Nobel Laureate in Literature...I'm not doing so hot there either! What's crazy is that I haven't thought to knock out those few that overlap on the two lists! Seriously, how have I read Paradise (twice!) and The Bluest Eye by Morrison, but I've yet to read Beloved (won the Pulitzer)?! The Nobel Prize has been awarded to over 100 authors and I've only read works by maybe 3 of them. But the same thing is true...just because they won a prize, it doesn't mean that every work is great! Not to mention, some of them are poets and playwrights so that really mixes things up! That list looks like this:

William Butler Yeats - one of my favorite poems is thanks to his genius.
George Bernard Shaw - more required reading...Pygmalion...I prefer the musical over the play.
Pearl S. Buck - see The Good Earth above.
Hermann Hesse - Siddhartha...more required reading! A group of classmates even wrote a song about this one.
T.S. Eliot - required reading.
William Faulkner - I had the same teacher for 3 years of high school English...Faulkner was her favorite.
John Steinbeck - I've read a few of Steinbecks works...East of Eden is one of my favorites by him.
Samuel Beckett - don't really get it.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez - I've read three and haven't really loved any of them.
William Golding - duh...required reading.
Toni Morrison - see above.
Seamus Heaney - poetry was also required reading in school...

That's that...not impressive. However, some of the Literature winners write in languages that are not English, so that definitely makes things tricky!

More on this later...I'm late for a movie date with my bro!

Brain food...

2010-02-21T15:07:00.002-07:00

I have a midterm due at midnight for my Copyright class and I am so not motivated. I'm hoping some Spicy Goldfish will prove to be a good brain food snack to kick-start the genius juices.

I also have an article summary to write, two lectures to watch, some reading that I'm behind on, another assignment due tomorrow, and another paper due on Saturday...plus a whole bunch of discussion posts.

This is the last semester of grad school. I am almost finished. I can do this.

Customer Service: A Story

2010-02-10T22:06:00.001-07:00

First, bad customer service: ABC cancelling Ugly Betty AND shortening the season by TWO episodes. Grr...arg...

Second, a mistake turned into excellent customer service: An Ulta manager went above and beyond for me today. On Tuesday, I went to Ulta to buy some shampoo and conditioner. The kind I selected was not inexpensive...the very nice stylist that helped me went over to see if they had the liter duo in my selection, but they were all sold out. When I went up to the counter, the cashier also suggested the liters. She went back and found a duo in my selection. Woo hoo! That evening, I was so excited to shower and wash my hair with my new shampoo! But wait...both liters were conditioner. Wah wah...I called the store, but they did not have the matching shampoo...I called a couple of other stores...no luck. I went to return my two conditioners and the cashier was like..."umm, let me get the manager, that's not how those are sold..." Out comes the manager...she says "did you try _______ store?" I say, "no, it's too far out of my way for just some shampoo and conditioner." She says..."it's near my house, I'll pick it up for you and bring it in tomorrow." I say, "For real?!" And that's exactly what she did! I went in to day and exchanged my wonky liter duo of conditioners for a perfect set of shampoo and conditioner! Talk about awesome!

Now if only my car issues go as well tomorrow....

Oh bla di...oh bla da

2010-01-28T18:44:00.000-07:00

Mark's Memorial Party is on Saturday. His ashes were mailed (surprisingly) last week. My sister almost passed out when she realized what she was holding, he is now in the safety of her closet. We haven't decided yet if he will make an appearance at the party, we're not sure that we are ready for the ashes portion of the process. For now, he will reside in the closet. (And despite the fact that I don't believe in ghosts and that this is going to sound crazy but, I know he is wondering around the house...my dog has NEVER barked this much in the middle of the night before.)

Darcy is getting used to life as a solo dog...she's definitely lonely, but I'm trying to give her more attention than ever before. And she LOVES to go on walks these days, something she's never liked.

School is horrid. I'm already slacking. I'm just not interested in doing the work. I want to learn...but without all the tedious, busy work.

I'm attending a library conference this week, just two days. However, today was the first day and I had to leave early thanks to a migraine. Luckily, coming home and sleeping it off helped it go away. I'll still be able to write my professional e-Portfolio for school on this conference...

I'm still having panic attacks, but I'm medicated now. I hate taking medication (even for a headache), so this was a huge step for me. However, I feel better...not at all suicidal these days. It's weird how the panic can start...I couldn't sleep a few nights ago...up all night. It was awful. And the next night, I couldn't sleep again because I just worried that I wouldn't be able to sleep. Then that leads to the need for a Xanax. I hate it.

JD Salinger died...it's time to read Catcher in the Rye again...Holden always makes me feel better about my life.

2010-01-26T18:51:00.003-07:00

I am going to lunch with an ex tomorrow...I'm not sure why I agreed, but at least I get to eat sweet pototo fries at the YardHouse...

school...bleh.

2010-01-25T08:57:00.001-07:00

So much to do...the semester has only just started, but there's so much work. In one class, I have to post 8 times a week. Not to mention, there's some kind of writing assignment due in 2 of my classes weekly. However, I can't complain too much because it's my last semester! It will be over in just a few months. Finally.

can we catch a break?!

2010-01-19T16:35:00.000-07:00

My sister went away for the weekend. While she was gone, I noticed Tyler wasn't really eating but he was vomiting. When Vanessa got back yesterday, I mentioned that he needed to go to the vet. Tyler went to the vet this morning and he's not coming back. I know 15 years is a long life for a dog, but it's been less than a month since Mark died. Life really sucks sometimes.

2010-01-08T23:15:00.002-07:00

spent most of the day away...got a pedicure, went to the library, and then spent more than i should at barnes & noble. came home...watched some movies. it wasn't a bad day. i wish i had more time to read.

currently, i'm reading eat, pray, love...it's amazing and, i think, just what i needed right now. from previous posts, i'm sure everyone has gathered that i don't really prescribe/subscribe to a traditional religion and maybe lean toward atheism at times. i have my own beliefs about the universe and what we can get out of it...magical thinking, etc...but i'm still very intrigued by the spirituality that gilbert discusses. mostly because it is very personal and i like that. i like that she says that you can pick your own religion...heck! i like to believe you can even create your own. a belief is true when it is believed...that's one thing i remember from my world religions class in 10th grade (i actually remember quite a bit from that class!). it's also something that i truly believe. i try not to judge other's beliefs...not because i could be wrong or right, but because we're all correct. my friend nancy said that she read something that says that what happens when you die is based on what you believe, i like this idea. if you believe in heaven/hell, you'll go there...if you believe in reincarnation, you will be reincarnated...if you believe it's one big, long, beautiful nap, then get ready for the best nap of your life.

to change the topic real quick...i've seen a few movies lately...all entertaining. but it's complicated and (500) days of summer really stand out...both awesomely good and great distractions!

my resolution this year: drink more water and less soda...but i will not drop soda completely, that's just crazy and i would fail.

now it's bed time...

(thank you all for your support, knowing you guys are out there really does help. thank you.)

2010-01-07T19:55:00.000-07:00

i've started having panic attacks again. not good.

school starts next week. a nice distraction.

my parents were here for two weeks, but they had to go home.

i really want to leave phoenix for a few days. mark's always been here and now he's not.

i don't have a lot to say these days.

what a day.

2009-12-21T22:05:00.000-07:00

Mark died this morning.

Those words don't even seem real. There's a disconnect. My brain can't put it all together. It just happened so fast. He was up and out of the house on Tuesday and Wednesday, just hanging out in his scooter. By Sunday morning he was on continuous care through hospice. It just doesn't seem real and it happened so fast...it's so hard to process.

2009-12-16T17:01:00.001-07:00

ugh...the end of the semester is finally here. i have written at least 75 pages worth of crappola this semester and i am not proud of it. however, my professors thought it was good enough and it looks like i'm getting all A's. insane.

Halfway Done...

2009-11-19T18:21:00.000-07:00

In my 504 Reflection, I commented that I did not want to be a library practitioner, but I also said things can change. After completing eighteen credits, my enjoyment of the practical side of library science has returned. While most of what we learn in our SIRLS classes is theoretical, those theories are building a strong base for when we do graduate to full-fledged Librarians. Through practice-bases courses, incredible theory/practice hybrid projects, and employment opportunities I have reconnected with my love of the practical side of libraries – helping patrons, researching topics, and juggling it all at once.

Two courses that I have taken, 524: Information Resources and Services and 572: Government Information, both with Dr. Cheryl Malone, are incredible practice-based courses. Both have included challenging assignments that involving searching on a variety of interfaces, including databases, government websites, and occasionally Google. Through both of these courses I have gained knowledge of a variety of reference resources and how to utilize them in a professional role.

In 651: Information Policy & Cultural Perspectives and 520: Ethics for Library and Information Professionals, I have gained knowledge of less hands-on ideas that surround and infiltrate the library world. Two topics that I am fascinated with are privacy and social networking, in these classes I have been able to delve deeper into both topics and look at each topic from the perspective of current library professionals. For our final project in 520, I was able to interview a library professional from the Pima County Public Library system on self-service holds and the threat to patron privacy and confidentiality. In 651, I interviewed two librarians on their library’s usage of social networking tools and other newer technologies and possible implications the usage of these tools may have on the digital divide.

Additionally, I was able to complete a semester as a Graduate Assistant on the Document Delivery Team at the University library and it was an incredible semester where I learned a lot of hands-on, practical information. Many people enter library school, and may graduate from library school, with no previous experience working in a library, while I have been lucky enough to work in four different library settings; it was working with the Document Delivery Team that taught me the inner workings of InterLibrary Loans.
Prior to beginning my SIRLS adventure, I was a Library Aide at a public library, most of my day was spent at the circulation desk, and a grueling time it was. Most of my time was spent with angry or frustrated patrons who had overdue books, library fines, lost books or all of the above. It was not the most pleasant library experience; however, currently I am working at a medical library as a library assistant where I am able to assist patrons in literature searches, InterLibrary Loan requests, and finding the perfect article to complete a paper. It is an incredible job that I was chosen for thanks to my experience as a Graduate Assistant and due to the incredible education I have received at SIRLS thus far.

Library science is so diverse in what it offers, whether one chooses a practical, educational, or theoretical path, courses at SIRLS will provide the background and information necessary to be successful in whatever path is chosen. I am excited to continue on with my SIRLS adventure and look forward to the next bout of self-discovery that a course is sure to bring about.

oh boy...

2009-11-05T18:58:00.000-07:00

After I got the job...I got sick. The morning I was supposed to start, I passed out in my kitchen. My start date was postponed! Horribly embarrassing...but they were very understanding. (And it's a hospital, they didn't want me there with a fever!)

I've been there for two weeks now and it's pretty boring...there just isn't a lot to do or a lot that I know yet! And the librarian just does her homework for nursing school!

In other parts of my life...homework sucks. I have SO MUCH TO DO! I'm incredibly overwhelmed and just don't know how in the world to get caught up! I have a paper to write on the Open Government Iniative, a report on a digital library, and a hellish paper that involves reading and describing 10 research studies! All of those are over 10 pages...THEN, in math there's a journal due on Dec. 2 and a final project due Dec 16...PLUS I still have two chapters of homework and quizzes to do for math...and all of the assignments due before the papers in my other three classes. ARGH!

Then today Sheila texts me and tells me that what she thought was a cold is neurological...wth?! And I STILL haven't talked to her about it so I have no idea what is going on!

However, Mark is back home and doing pretty good. He's up and out of bed just about every day. He likes to sit outside and enjoy the beautiful weather that we are so lucky to have here!

I think that covers the last few weeks...so much to do.

good news...

2009-10-12T14:42:00.003-07:00

I GOT THE JOB!

PT Library Assistant at John C. Lincoln...possibly FT in May when I graduate!!!

Magical thinking works!

magical thinking...

2009-10-10T01:23:00.001-07:00

I believe that what we think can have an effect (affect?) on the world. If we have positive thoughts about life, things will move in the right direction. Our brains are powerful tools that we only use 10% of, I think we can do so much more.

I had a job interview at a medical library a few weeks ago...I had a second interview for the job last week. It's been a week...I haven't heard anything (good or bad). My brain is in overdrive with magical thinking. Amy, the librarian, said it could be a couple of weeks before they make a decision. During the first interview, I left with the impression that it could be weeks before a call back for a follow-up interview...but it was only a week! So next week, I will get the call that I got the job. *magical thinking*

Mark is being released from the hospital on Thursday. We're all a little nervous about it. None of us have ever been/taken care of someone that is paralyzed. It's a lot, but we'll deal. He has a home pass on Sunday so we'll see how things go then!

just that kind of day...

2009-10-09T12:35:00.001-07:00

NASA bombs the moon, Marge Simpson on the cover of Playboy, and Barack Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize...WTF?

Adventures of LIB Pt. 1

2009-10-05T13:15:00.000-07:00

I refuse to be a loser.

I went out with Christina this past weekend and had a blast! We hung out at two Goodyear bars that bring in the most interesting mixture of people ever...

The beginning...this bar is called Longhorn and features live country music and a "painting" of a naked lady behind the bar. Apparently, they also have horseshoes in the back...sadly that was closed on Saturday. I attempted to learn the two-step, which I feel is a VERY misleading name. It is not just two-steps.

Around 1:00 AM, we left Longhorn to go check out Roman's...it was even more eclectic than the first place. Old...and I mean OLD...ladies were hanging out, holding each other up. There were also some older ladies with their shirts CUT DOWN TO THEIR BELLYBUTTONS! Inappropriate for anyone of any age. If only I had photos of that!

Two things to note about Roman's: they have a treasure on their roof...a statue of one Captain Morgan. Who keeps that on a roof?! And Roman's has a very special toilet section that I feel other places should consider. I can envision an area outside Target...or Wal-Mart...

While we were standing outside Roman's waiting for a nice lady to catch a taxi (and for this guy Dave - some guy Sarah knows - to get out of the car doing whatever he was doing with a lady so that Arron - some guy Sarah knows - could go home) we had a good time. Clearly...there was fake-puking in a toilet and climbing on a roof to visit with the Captain. Somewhere during the evening, Christina and I walked over to Jack in the Box in an attempt to get food. The inside was closed and they wouldn't serve us through the door OR let us go through the drive-through on foot. Bastards. So we waited for a car to come through to get the food for us. However, LATER when we had the car, we went back.

The food was wonderful.

As we were leaving...we noticed that Target keeps their carts outside. I thought for sure they would lock them up tight. Those new Target carts are fancy!

It was a lot of fun! More adventures are in the works.

Mars...on Earth.

2009-09-22T14:12:00.000-07:00

The city of Sydney is covered in red dust. I heard about it from Twitter before I even saw anything on CNN.com. What is this world coming to when a social networking site gives me the news before a major news corporation?

Better Than Ezra concert tonight! Greatest band on Earth/Mars. Love them for YEARS and I finally get to see them in concert!

Mark is finally being moved to rehab!

2009-09-18T02:07:00.001-07:00

this blog was supposed to be about grad school. how can things go so wrong in just a few months?

i want to sleep.

2009-09-18T01:54:00.002-07:00

i don't know what's wrong with me. maybe i'm missing something in my life and my brain wants me to figure it out overnight instead of in the daylight when problems should be solved...or at least in dreams. my problems are not getting solved while i lay here in bed...miserable because i can't fall asleep. early today i could have fallen asleep in an instant, now that i'm in bed, i'm wide awake. i hate it.

i'm going to visit mark at the hospital tomorrow. it has become my friday ritual. it's so hard. when he was at home, i could pretend everything was ok...maybe he just lost his job instead of having an incurable disease. you know? i could trick my brain. now that he's in the hospital, i can't play mindgames with myself. this is real. he might not come home again...and it's so very real. going to the hospital makes it even worse. i really am going to lose one of the most important people in my life. after both of my grandmothers died, i thought it would be a long time before i had to face death again. at least 30 years. right? people aren't supposed to die when you're 26 or they're 38.

i don't know if i'm strong enough to do this. i want to hide so that no one can make me feel like a bad person for not going to the hospital. i don't want to answer my phone because having to face the responsibility that everyone else seems to be laying on me is too much. everyone is worried about vanessa and i feel like i'm supposed to fix her. i can't. i want my mom or my older sister or my dad or my brother or someone other than me to take on this responsibility. it's too much. i always feel like i'm not doing enough. that no matter what it will never be enough because i can't stop him from dying.

i can't even help pay the bills. and i'm not very helpful when it comes to syd. she's so confused and there's nothing i can do to help her. how do you explain this to a 2 year old?

i don't know what to do anymore. i don't know how much more i can take. i just want to feel useful.

immature people.

2009-09-12T23:35:00.001-07:00

I hate when 30-somethings with children act 16 and smoke pot in the bathroom...Hello...your 2-year old is asleep in this house. Not to mention it frikkin' stinks.

rough times.

2009-09-10T17:41:00.002-07:00

Mark's surgery did not prevent paralysis.

School is overwhelming.

We are a family in crisis...but we act like individuals in crisis. However, according to my friend in my math class, I can't focus on what others are doing, I can only look inward.

All I want to do is sleep.

funny things people say when just out of surgery...

2009-08-28T22:04:00.001-07:00

To the doctor: "What are you doing at McDonald's?" and "The hip bone is connected to the zip bone."

when things get rough...

2009-08-26T12:16:00.003-07:00

She makes them better...

a lot.

2009-08-25T21:16:00.003-07:00

Last week...Mark and I saw G.I. Joe last Monday. The special effects were great and I (actually) liked the story line. I was pretty impressed. However, it was a little long.

On Saturday, we red-boxed Obsessed. Loved it! Beyonce kicked butt, Ali Larter was CRAZY!

Sometime last week, Vanessa and I shopped for $19 jeans at Old Navy. However, I have now remembered why I don't shop at Old Navy: Inconsistency. The sizes are ALL wrong. I wear a size 14 and, no matter what the style is, I should be able to wear a size 14. That doesn't happen with Old Navy pants. Not to mention, their regular length is for short people. I'm 5'10" and their longs are hardly long enough for me! What in the world! So, the first pair of jeans I bought, I ended up returning them. Their return policy SUCKS! Vanessa bought the jeans, so I didn't have the card they were purchased with and I didn't have the receipt. Since I couldn't find anything that fit at the store, I just wanted to return the pants for a gift card. Apparently, if you don't have the receipt (and ALL the tags were on the jeans), you can only do some ridiculous mailing in business. WHAT?! I was livid. Shopping for jeans should not make someone want to cry...but I left Old Navy near tears. I went to a different Old Navy and ended up having to buy a 16 Long to find anything that would even work. Ugh! It's not even a dark wash that I like. I will not shop at Old Navy for clothes...only flip-flops.

The reason for my insane reaction to jeans...Mark is back in the hospital. On Saturday, he was having these crazy spasms in his thighs, it was kind of radiating from his back. He's been complaining about a pain in his hip for at least two weeks, but he kept saying it was a pulled muscle or it was from laying on the tables at doctor's appointments. On Monday when we went to the movie, he wasn't sure if he could walk the distance from the car to the theater (he did manage though, which is good since I could hardly lift the wheelchair into the car!). Around 11:30 Saturday night, after giving him every pain medication possible, we finally convinced him that going to the ER was the only answer. He couldn't even lay down! He had a PET scan on Friday, but he wasn't schedule to find out results until the following Friday. The ER was the only option. He couldn't have lasted through Saturday and Sunday nights just sitting up on the couch.

Once he got to the hospital...oh boy. They needed to do an MRI...he couldn't lay down...they attemped to sedate him with the stuff that killed Michael Jackson. They also gave him a paralytic. Well the wear-off time on those two differs...not to mention they had to intubate him because of the sedative. He was awake, but couldn't move. It was horrible. But the results from that were not good. There is a tumor on the tip of his spine that is causing all the problems. He had to have another MRI today (head of anesthiology was there this time) and he is having surgery tomorrow. Hopefully, they will be able to remove the tumor so he can walk again!

I'm scared though. If he can't walk, how will I get him to his appointments? I can't transport him to the car by myself! He's 200 lbs! (He used to be a lot more...)

On a happier note...Deacon and Sydney both have birthdays coming up (Sept 1 and 18)! I bought most of their birthday presents today...mostly books. Surprise, surprise!

OH! And classes started yesterday...4 total. 3 for library school, 1 for pre-reqs for application to the nursing program (it's a math class). The library classes are all online and the math class is on campus twice a week.

That covers my life as of this moment.

Good book alert! (And maybe spoilers...)

2009-08-12T21:19:00.005-07:00

Just finished one of the most shockingly good books...The Pillars of the Earth. I had NO IDEA it was so good, I just thought it was one of those books people are so proud of themselves for finishing that they brag about it to everyone but secretly hate themselves for wasting the time reading it (I do this with Crime & Punishment). I finished all 973 pages in just 3 days. Fantastic book...it's right up there with Gone with the Wind, Lonesome Dove, These is My Words...just phenomenal.

I would like to say that William Hamleigh might just be at the top of my list of Most Hated Character in Literature. He has zero redeeming qualities. Really hate him. He deserves what William Wallace did not deserve in Braveheart!

Also just discovered that Pillars is currently being made into a mini-series. How exciting! I read the synopsis and they've changed the story around a little...Jack is born when his father is killed, Tom doesn't deliver the baby, he leaves Alfred there so he can go find Ellen for assistance...according to the synopsis, the Jonathan story is left out completely...and Regan Hamleigh is described as beautiful, but with an ugly birthmark. Oh the changes they make...

Spent all of the book trying to figure out how to pronounce Aliena...Follett says: Alley Ain Uh (I say Alley Ahn Uh).

I suck.

2009-08-06T11:24:00.004-07:00

I don't know what my issue is...but I cannot wrap my head around this paper I have to write. It's due tomorrow for Pete's sake! I have ONE page and it's not even quality material. I can't even figure out what my focus is or what my opinion is...

Here's the assignment:

Select an information policy issue to research and submit a Paper. Include an abstract, background information, interview two librarians for their perspectives, and add your insights.

My topic is social networking tools...it started out as looking at them from the perspective of privacy issues, but the more research I did, the more intersted I had in how they affect the digital divide. I interviewed the two librarians, one from a "have" area and one from a "have not" area...totally on accident, but it worked out. I'm thinking I should start by writing about what they said and figure out my focus from there. I have until midnight tomorrow. UGH! Why do I procrastinate?! (Did I mention it's a 12-page paper...but I think other people in class failed to look at the syllabus because one person turned in a 6-page paper...I'm aiming for 9-10!)

Once this paper is done, I can focus on finishing up the discussion questions for the CollDev class. He did send an email today about points for the other 70% of our grade! Luckily, I have full points there so I'm not too worried about the discussion posts anymore. I'll just try my best to get in 28+...but they probably will not not include citations. That's just too much research for one class!!! That's 28 times I would have had to go into the databases to find an article...that man is NUTS! Who has that kind of time? However, in the email, he also managed to throw in an individual and group final. He couldn't have posted that on the class site?! He couldn't have told us on Tuesday? Now that's due on Aug 11th, too! This man is so unorganized.

Lustful libraries.

2009-08-06T01:27:00.004-07:00

It is possible for a place to be too quiet...love this column about the British Library.

I like to get information at the beginning.

2009-07-31T23:20:00.004-07:00

Today I got the following email from my Collection Development professor:

I show that currently you have currently posted 14 times as participation in thediscussion. The final scale is posted in the news section. you will need topost a minimum of 28 times for an 90% or higher on this part of your grade.
Remember that this portion is 1/3 of your grade. Remember post need to have acitation to back up your point of view.
If you have any questions please let me know.
Prof Shore

WHAT THE *beep*?!?!

He has never said anything about a number of posts that we need! In fact, the only thing we've been told is that discussions counts for 30%. That doesn't amount to posting 28 times! He couldn't have told us this midway through the class instead of a week before it ends?! I can respect that he wants us to post 28 times...but that's information I should have AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEMESTER! I am livid.

health care...

2009-07-30T14:09:00.003-07:00

Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan bankrupted the U.S. long before HR3200. Health care reform is necessary. There are too many people without health insurance and costs are rising too fast. We can't keep going like this. I don't care if your a Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, or Independent...you must see the problems with our country. Offering affordable health care to Americans is NOT un-American.

religion...ramblings...

2009-07-29T23:20:00.009-07:00

After I wrote all of this, I realized some may be offended. Please don't be...I'm not trying to upset or make fun or anything, I'm just trying to understand. This is my crisis of faith that's been going on for years that has been piqued by what I'm reading and watching.

I wish school was as interesting as the books I read for fun. Right now I'm reading The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible As Literally As Possible by A. J. Jacobs. He is agnostic, but he decides to live his life as Biblically as possible for one year. He spends most of his time focusing on the Old Testament. He tries to follow it as literally as possible. He has several spiritual advisors that he talks to, he prays 3 times a day for 10 minutes, and he seperates his fibers. Instead of focusing on the 613 laws set by Rabbis many moons ago, he picks some to focus on because if he tried to follow them all at once his brain would explode. He's not picky about what specific organization/sect/religion he speaks to...he visits an Amish farm, he celebrates Simchas Torah, and he goes to the Creation Museum.

The Creation Museum really intrigues me...in the museum there are dinosaurs and humans living together. They really believe that the Earth was created 6,000 years ago. The organization that opened the Creation Museum is called Answers in Genesis and they have a way to explain everything. According to the organization, dinosaurs were created on Day 6, the same day as Adam and Eve and all the other land animals, and they were on Noah's Ark. Of course, the fossils are from the animals that died in the Great Flood. Where are the dinosaurs now? Well, a few hundred years ago when everyone saw dragons flying around, those were dinosaurs. And Job references a "behemoth" which is a dinosaur. If you were wondering, the reason we don't have dinosaurs today...well, after the Flood, the Earth was different, they just couldn't survive in the new surroundings.

They are very convincing. They don't just give you their spin, they also tell you what scientists say. In the Jacobs book, he even says there is an astrophysicist (or someone like that) that works there and even he believes the Answers in Genesis theory. It's incredibly intriguing.

Bill Maher visited the Creation Museum in Religulous...he also went to the Holy Land Experience in Orlando. It's a Biblical theme park. He also really brings up information that I never heard in my church going days. Maher mentions previous gods that are similar to Jesus in many ways...virgin birth, baptism, disciples, etc. He mentions Mithra, Horus/Osiris, and Krishna to name a few...I'm going to need to look into those some more for my own information. He isn't kind to any religion, he calls Scientologists crazy. But he also makes a good point...who's to say what's crazy? A virgin birth or aliens inside us or men flying away on horses? I've never seen a pregnant virgin, an alien or a flying horse. (For the record, Maher says religion is a neurological disease and everyone is crazy...except it's sanity by consensus.) Maher even talks to Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda a man that believes he is the second coming of Christ (and apparently the Antichrist at the same time). There's also people in Amsterdam that smoke a lot of pot and call it a religion (Cantheism). And, one of my favorite parts is when Maher visits the Muslim gay bar. (But really, my FAVORITE part is when he's dressed like a crazy man yelling the tenets of Scientology.)

While both Religulous and Living Biblically are both two men seeking answers, they do it in very different ways. I appreciate both. Maher is funny...it's what he does for a living, but I think he makes very valid points along the way. Jacobs is attempting to get his answers by doing and I can respect that. Sometimes to get answers, you can't just ask questions, you have to experience it for yourself and learn along the way.

Bottom line...I don't know what I believe. I started going to church when I was a baby with my aunt and uncle, essentially I was raised Baptist. When I was around 10, my parents started going to church, so I went with them. My parents went to (and still attend) a Pentecostal church. Two VERY different denominations of Christianity. By the time I was 14, I stopped going to church. My dad was not pleased. I just didn't get it...I never felt the pull or maybe I did and I don't remember anymore. When I was 14, it was hard for me to look around and see all the other people my age that were going these really horrible things, and I was supposed to keep going to church so that I wouldn't do those things? We're talking drugs, drinking, and sex....I didn't do any of that at 14...and not at 15, 16, 17, 18 or even now!...I was a really good kid and it wasn't church that made me that way.

Now with everything going on, I just don't know. Mark talks about going to church, but would it help? If he believes it will, then yes...I think it will help. But if he's just going because everyone else tells him he should, then it's not going to change anything.

See...I believe that a belief is true when it is believed...and it's true for the believer, not for everyone else. Essentially, it's impossible to argue with believers because in their head it's true...there's no changing it and really no reason to judge because they could be right.

I have to stop now...I'm going to start rambling even more and not getting anywhere.

Bottom line...I think Religulous is something that everyone should watch because if you're going to believe something, eventually someone will question you and you have to be able to defend your belief intelligently. That's part of what makes the movie funny, some people have no idea how to get their point across without sounding silly. Maher even gives props when someone has a genious analogy (the Holy Trinity like water/ice/vapor - from the man that plays Jesus at Holy Land).

Seriously, I'm done now.

wow.

2009-07-28T17:29:00.004-07:00

Today, Mark and I had an adventure...not much of an adventure, but we got out of the house! We went to see a movie! I knew that Sacha Baron Cohen's characters were over-the-top, but I had no idea they were like this. Bruno is RIDICULOUS! At times, I felt like I was watching porn...I can't even put it into words. I haven't seen Borat, so perhaps Bruno wouldn't have shocked me so much if I had that previous SBC experience. It was a lot to take in for a Tuesday afternoon. I need to watch HGTV to recover. (In a side note...how would you feel if your name was Erran Baron Cohen...it rhymes!)

all alone...

2009-07-24T11:45:00.003-07:00

Mark, Vanessa, and Syd went to San Diego to visit friends, Sea World, and the zoo. I stayed home to reclaim my sanity. I think it worked! They've been gone since Tuesday...since then...I hung out with Sara, studied for and took a Math placement test, registered for a Math class, finished a great book (The Crowning Glory of Calla Lily Ponder - lots of crying), watched Role Models, drove over to see Sara and her new house, and now I'm getting ready to go hang with Deacon and Beej. (I probably should have done more homework while I was alone, but that's no fun!) It's been so nice to be free to do whatever I want without anyone asking me 20 questions about what I'm doing or where I'm going. I actually felt 26 instead of 16 again!

movies!

2009-07-23T21:45:00.001-07:00

Finally got to see Transformers 2! Not as good as the first, but a great summer action movie! That Megan Fox though...isn't she kind of young for collagen injections?

more austen spoofs...yes, please!

2009-07-17T21:21:00.004-07:00

I would like to thank living read girl for bringing to my attention the next batch of Austen Monsters. I loved Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and coming in September, I will get to enjoy Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters! Sweet! Bring it on Quirk!

who ARE these people?!

2009-07-15T17:39:00.002-07:00

I've become obsessed with HGTV...Property Virgins and My First Place are my favorites. But when I watch, I just become sad. I've seen two episodes where these guys are like..."I'm 26, it's time to move out of Mom's house and buy my own house..." Hurts my heart. Then there are the people that have six figures saved for a down payment! WHAT?! One girl was living with her family and had $200,000 for a down payment...she was only a teacher! And the people that have these HUGE wishlists, but don't have a HUGE budget to match...clearly they don't watch HGTV!

back to 4

2009-07-15T12:14:00.003-07:00

Mom, Dad, Sis, Bro-in-Law, Niece, and Nephew left this morning around six. I'm really going to miss them; however, it will be nice to have my room to myself again. I did get used to having dinner every night and lots of people around though. Now I have to refocus on school and Mark. It's gonna be hard.

water parks are fun.

2009-07-13T23:37:00.003-07:00

I spent almost 8 hours at Wet 'n Wild today and it was awesome. Thank goodness for SPF 50! Apparently, there are only 4 Wet 'n Wild's in the world, so I'm quite honored to live in a metropolitan area with one. I think Shayla and Anthony had a good time, too! We went on almost all of the slides and between every wait in line we got in the wave pool! I'm a little sunburnt...my hair is turning funny colors (blonde...what?!)...and my skin feels sucked dry be the chlorine...but it was totally worth it! We even met one of the slide designers. I know people say water parks and public pools are gross...but I can't afford a water slide in my backyard (or a pool!).

surviving...

2009-07-12T22:53:00.008-07:00

First...thank you to my Chicks on Lit...knowing someone is out there helps!

Second...still 10 of us in this 2000 sq. ft. house, but it's not so bad! We went to the Grand Canyon and drove through Sedona on Thursday.

Self-Portrait: Me and Shayla
Family Portrait at the Canyon
A scenic stop...
Sedona...we are dorks.

Tomorrow, I'm taking Shayla and Anthony to Wet n' Wild! Hopefully, it will not be too busy on a Monday!

School is OK...I'm just over my classes.

Started reading the Kitty series by Carrie Vaughn that I won from living read girl. It's a fun series! Kitty is a mix of Sookie Stackhouse and Stephanie Plum! She's a werewolf just trying to be a regular girl...except she's also a radio DJ and outed herself as a werewolf. Oopsie!

oh boy...

2009-07-07T17:38:00.003-07:00

10 people in a house...that's a lot.

My family from FL got in on Sunday around 4 AM (they drove)...a lazy day on Sunday. Yesterday, we did the Waterfall Trail at the White Tanks (it's too hot for there to actually be any water) and hung out by the pool. Today, a few of us just lazed around the house. The other half went digging for gold (or something).

Mark is still driving me crazy. He thinks he can do more than he can...then he does all that he thinks he can do and complains about being in pain later. UGH! He knows his limits...he just ignores them. And all day today he's tried to make me out to be the bad guy....I won't give my sister my digital converter box to take back to FL (umm...what about when I don't live here anymore and can't afford cable myself?!)...I won't let him drive (he takes SERIOUS pain medication)...I won't go to Taco Bell (he didn't ask me to go get him Taco Bell, he asked if it sounded good...and it didn't!). I just need to get away from him for a few days and it'll be fine. I chose this. Now I have to deal.

I feel like a bad person for complaining, but this is really hard...harder than I ever imagined.

Year One vs The Proposal

2009-07-02T08:59:00.003-07:00

I really wanted to see Year One, the trailers cracked me up. Saw it...not so funny. A little too Jack Black, not enough Michael Cera. There's one part that involves urination...that was funny if you dig that kind of humor.

I didn't really want to see The Proposal because it's one of those movies I thought would be better suited for DVD viewing. I was wrong. It is hilarious. Betty White and Sandra Bullock get their groove on in the woods of Alaska...very funny.

The previews...All About Steve...Bradley Cooper AND Sandra Bullock?! Yes, please! The new Bruce Willis movie about robots...creepy, kind of like that Gamers movie but creepier. Also, I would like to know who thought it was a good idea to show a preview for a VERY SCARY movie before a romantic COMEDY?! I HATE scary movies and it was terrifying to sit through that preview! Something about psycho people that escape and there's a 67th inmate?! Leonardo DiCaprio could not make it any better...he was creepy, too!

Next up...hopefully, I'll get to see Transformers 2...and the new Katherine Heigl movie! Escapism...gotta love it.

goodbye is so lonely...

2009-07-01T15:33:00.003-07:00

As much as I enjoy being alone, it's going to be really lonely without Nancy here. I won't have anyone to vent to...and having her here has definitely helped me deal with everything that's going on. But my mom (and my dad, my oldest sister, her husband, and two of her kids) will be here on Sunday. They'll be here for two weeks! I can't wait to see my mom!

On the school front...my CollDev professor is a tool. He keeps loading videos to YouTube, but they aren't actually there for our viewing pleasure. Not to mention, he's got roughly two hours loaded for this week! Are you kidding me?! I don't have time to watch his boring interviews! The sound quality totally blows so it's impossible to hear. I appreciate him trying something new, but I wish he'd come to terms with the fact that it simply isn't working.

Where are your tax dollars going?

2009-06-30T13:55:00.002-07:00

In case you were wondering if libraries are worthwhile or just wasted tax dollars...

The Library Calculator

My library usage definitely saves me money!

it's getting to me...

2009-06-29T09:11:00.003-07:00

I am so irritated. I hate not having privacy...I hate being asked where I'm going...I hate feeling useless...

Not to mention, Mark seems to think he's OK to drive. He's taking some serious medications and he thinks that driving would be just dandy. And he would like for me to follow him...sure...because I want to witness his car wreck? No, thanks! He told me that when he says he's OK, he's OK, and I have to believe him. Fine. If he wants to drive, go right ahead...but I'm pretty sure he can't even turn around quickly without cringing in pain...and in order to drive, he's going to lay off his pain meds. Genious! MEN!

friends and family

2009-06-24T11:08:00.002-07:00

My friend Nancy is in town for a few days...it's so nice to have her here! I just wish there was more I could do to entertain her...today we're watching Deacon. He's pretty entertaining, but he also cries and has yucky diapers. Luckily, she likes kids.

Our first WINE CLUB meeting is on Saturday! I can't wait to eat, drink and be merry with some of my favorite people. Brian will be in town and Nancy will still be here! Not to mention, this month (this is our first month) our wine to try is Riesling...which is one of my favorites!

However, I still have homework to do...today I'm going to try to watch the videos for CollDev and tomorrow I am going to read and write a review of an article for InfPol (that assignment is due on Friday...I should really do it today...).

long term goals...

2009-06-21T11:09:00.002-07:00

For my info policy class, I have to research a policy group. I selected The Long Now Foundation which I know nothing about. However, after looking at the website, I'm super excited to learn more! The group is all about foward thinking...LONG term goals, not just tomorrow, but 10,000 years from now. One of their projects is the 10,000 year clock which is all about getting people to think about the future, in the same way everyone was looking forward to the year 2000 (then it happened and we all stopped looking forward...). The group also has "long bets" which are bets made about years from now...I think one is about a human alive now still being alive in some distant time. They are also sponsors of the Rosetta project, which is preserving languages. All very cool projects! I can't wait to learn more!

HELP!

2009-06-20T16:37:00.002-07:00

Hi!

All I need to know is how you get information...books, periodicals, online resources, websites, radio shows...as specific as you can get. If you read the local newspaper, then how reliable is it, can children read it or is it more for young adults/adults, would you recommend it to others? Is their a specific blog you read or a show you listen to on NPR? If you can be specific, that's awesome!

This is for my collection development class, my guess is that the information we gather, we'll then have to develop a collection for our "community". I need 10 items total (out of 5 people), so if there are a couple of resources that you love (or even 5!), let me know!

Then for demographic purposes, I just need age, education, cultural background, and gender...

And thank you! If you get to this by Sunday morning, I will owe you big time! You can even email if you want...relissamochelle at gmail.com!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

(Someone had to CALL the professor to get clarification on this assignment! Ridiculous!)

life is tough.

2009-06-19T21:45:00.004-07:00

School has started...Mark thinks he is superman...Syd wakes up in the middle of the night A LOT...and I'm overwhelmed. I knew it would be hard moving in and helping out, but THIS hard? I had no idea. I'm stressed out and my friends can hear it in my voice. I could cry on demand.

Both of my classes are online, Information Policy is far more low maintenance than Collection Development. ColDev updates weekly and has at least two weekly discussions, a homework assignment, but NOTHING in writing. He puts up YouTube videos, but then doesn't put the assignments in writing. It's so frustrating. I have to go back and watch all the videos tomorrow and take some serious notes so I know exactly what's expected. This guy has CLEARLY never taught an online class before.

And then there's law school...apply or not apply? I'm beginning to rethink my entire educational background. I've always been fascinated by medicine and I love helping people (which is why I wanted to go to library school and/or law school). Last September, I witnessed the birth of my nephew Deacon. It was an amazing experience and afterward I wanted to be there for the delivery of every baby on the planet. The idea of nursing came up and I talked about with my sister, but by then I was pretty stuck on library school and didn't really give nursing another thought. But now, with all of Mark's hospital visits and doctor appointments, that nursing itch is back. While I'm incredibly frustrated with DOCTORS and their inability to be prompt, the nurses have been pleasant and helpful, ESPECIALLY the nurses at the hospital. I'm torn. While law school is something I've always been interested in, it's three years of completely consuming school that will take my school loans WELL into six figures. Nursing school can be completed in a year and a half through Maricopa's accelerated program and I would get to wear really cute scrubs to work. Not to mention, after being in the profession for a few years, I could go back to get my degree to be a Nurse Practitioner. Decisions, decisions, decisions....

movies...

2009-06-13T22:52:00.000-07:00

The Hangover is awesome.

doctors are duds

2009-06-10T15:20:00.003-07:00

is it the years of medical school? or the long hours of residency? or perhaps the difficult job of telling people bad news?

whatever it is that makes all mark's doctors a**holes...they need to fix it. is it too much to ask that an office NOT make a dying man wait an hour and a half before he sees the doctor?! or that labs be scheduled closer to home...or at least when a 5-minute appointment for a lab is scheduled that one doesn't have to wait 20 minutes past the appointment time.... or if there's an appointment with the urologist, is it too much to ask that something is at least LOOKED at instead of just another appointment being scheduled for something to happen 6 days in the future. my favorite is when the caregiver is told "yeah, sure, bring the form by and i'll sign it..." by the doctor...then takes the form in and is told that the doctor isn't in on mondays and wednesdays after 12 to catch up on paperwork...and then the damn doctor walks by! i just need a f*****g signature!!! the damn paperwork that i'm bringing in is already FILLED OUT! (if they don't call me by 10 am tomorrow morning...there will be words.)

i would like the medical profession to step it up...they are in a profession that can save lives and truly make a difference...and i feel like they're all failing.

day 3...

2009-06-03T22:32:00.002-07:00

I know that Mark is dealing with a lot and I'm trying to be as understanding as possible...but when it comes to putting Sydney to bed at night I'm uber frustrated.

She's a mommy monster...she doesn't like anyone else as much as she likes mommy and that bothers Mark. And to somehow get into her good graces, Mark thinks that "saving" Syd from nite nite is the answer. I'm a big believer in letting kids cry it out...Mark and Vanessa have a difficutlt time with that.

I'm just frustrated...I've been in a bad mood all day and Syd's bed time fiasco didn't help.

Day 2 with self-procalimed invalid...

2009-06-02T14:40:00.002-07:00

Mark had a Physical Therapy appointment today, but he rescheduled because he wasn't feeling well. Then he vommed his beverage and called it a day. He's running a fever which means he has to go back to the ER. But before he takes that trip (again), he's decided to take a nap.

My bookshelves are built and will be completely full in just a few moments! I have to start planning our wine club meeting (party!) for June 27...June is Reisling and sushi! And as luck would have it, my friend Nancy will be here to join us! (AND she's the only person I know that can make sushi!)

Classes start next Monday. I've seen the syllabi for both courses...nothing too scary so far!

Day one of my new life...again.

2009-06-01T11:26:00.002-07:00

I'm back in Phoenix...moved over the weekend! Almost everything is unpacked, just have to build my IKEA bookshelves and unpack the entertainment (books, movies, music).

I still don't have anyone to rent my old apartment...I just hope I have someone by July 1st. If you know anyone in Tucson looking for a place to live (or looking for a nanny gig), I know a place (and a family)!

It was a fun weekend though! Yesterday, Fallon came over to play with Sydney...two little two year olds (almost!), what a workout! They are so cute together...by the end of the night, we were all curled up in my bed watching TV. I see slumber parties in our future!

On the opposite end...the weekend wasn't so good for my brother. His 16 year old decided to run away from home. She's back now, but it was 3 days of hell for him. I just can't imagine what would make her do that! I hope she gets the help she needs so that it doesn't happen again! I know my brother is strict (he's in the military...strict is just who he is!), but to run away?! I just don't understand...but understand is what we all need to do so that we can solve the problem!

Off to build my bookshelves and fill out a job application!

Smallville: Season 5

2009-05-28T20:44:00.001-07:00

If I hear Lana say to Lex, "You saved my life...." I'm going to scream! UGH! I wish Clark would just TELL HER! It's driving me crazy.

life...it comes at you fast.

2009-05-20T16:42:00.003-07:00

It's decided. I'm moving in with Van & Mark. It's the right thing to do and I want to help as much as I can. Since January, when Mark's health issues started, Syd has been a mommy monster...hopefully, I can help with some of that.

In other life news...I have a 4.0 GPA! Let's hope I can keep that up through the summer!

Now I have to go finish my library book and pack...

Life is fun.

2009-05-10T21:55:00.003-07:00

What happens when there's no school? No homework? What do I do?

I finished my final project for 524. It wasn't my best work...far from it. I just wanted it to be finished! Nonetheless...the entire class was great. I feel like I really learned a lot, which is insane considering how much I doubted what a person could learn in an online class. Sure...the professor was absent, but for this class it wasn't really necessary to hold our hands. Becoming a good reference librarian is more or less figuring things out on your own. Because of the three problem sets, I learned A LOT about finding information without using Google or Wikipedia.

In 520 and 515...I learned that even in a face-to-face class the professor can be absent. As a person, Kay seems great, as a professor, she needs to learn to grade papers and not rely on having a graduate assistant to do all the work. Martin needs to learn how to teach a class that IS face-to-face...why offer 515 as f-t-f when attendance isn't mandatory?! While I feel that I learned more about ethical theories than I ever knew (or wanted to know) before...in 515 I learned almost NOTHING that I didn't already know about organizing information. However, I already know my grade for 515 (an A), so I can't complain too much.

Funny things kids say

2009-05-08T07:54:00.005-07:00

When I arrived at the Campbell's this morning, Devin looked at me and said "you're not wearing a shirt, Lissa." I was very confused because I remembered putting on a shirt, two razorback tanks actually.I thought maybe he had developed X-ray vision overnight and didn't have control over it yet. Then his mom said, "you mean, she doesn't have sleeves." Kids are funny.

2009-05-05T13:43:00.003-07:00

Due to everything that's been going on, I'm a bit behind on my school work. Just two assignments left to go. One is due tonight...I have a rough draft, just need to polish it up before 6:30. The other, a pathfinder on intellectual property, is due tomorrow. Last Thursday, I emailed both professors asking for a few extra days. One professor got back to me, haven't heard a word from the other. It's really frustrating. I even said in the email that even if an extension wasn't possible, to at least let me know that the email was received. This is the same class that I didn't get my midterm grade until last week...and I still only have 6 points for all of those weekly assignments we had to do. UGH! I don't even care about my grade in that class anymore...I just better get a B or better simply because I never had a way to know how I was doing because she never graded my stinkin' work!

2009-05-03T10:15:00.003-07:00

I want to THANK everyone who has been so supportive and kind through everything that has happened. No one could make it through life without the love of friends and family!

it got worse.

2009-04-30T22:09:00.003-07:00

6 months. Possibly 1 year. Palliative care. How does this happen? How can something get this bad? How, as an onlooker, do you provide support? What do I do?

it gets worse everyday.

2009-04-29T21:35:00.004-07:00

I'm sick of only hearing bad news without hearing a solution to fix it. So today we found out that Mark may have a fracture in his spine caused by another tumor and there might be a lesion on his brain. I'm tired of hearing about more problems, when are they going to say "OK, and here's how we're going to stop it."? I don't want him to die. I hate even typing it, but all of this bad stuff just makes me worry more and when I worry I always think worse-case scenario and I'm scared. I'm scared that Sydney won't know her dad and Vanessa will be a widow at 33. And if I'm feeling this way, I can't even imagine what Vanessa and Mark must be feeling right now. I hate that for them. I wish so badly that I could help. I hate that I always have to come back to Tucson. Why did I ever move here?

Hopefully, there will be a treatment plan in place by tomorrow morning. And hopefully, we'll finally hear some good news because right now it's so hard to hold on to that glimmer of hope.

2009-04-27T21:16:00.006-07:00

I can't sit in silence anymore. I have to be doing something at all times to stop thinking about Mark. For instance, today on my drive back to Tucson, I called Volkswagen and refinanced my car. I have a 2005 VW Beetle Convertible that I was leasing...now I'm buying! I think I got a pretty good deal. Considering this is the first and only car I've ever had, I really have no idea. My interest rate is under 6% and my payments will be lower than I'm currently paying. So in less than five years, I will no longer have a car payment!! Then I called my mom to tell her my exciting news...I know she was dreading my phone call for her to cosign. Then I called my sister...then I called Mark, but he couldn't talk for long. However, I know he has to be pleased because his name was on the lease...now it's not! After talking to him for a couple of minutes I called Sara...then I was home for a couple of hours, but I was busy reading, checking email, getting ready for work, etc...

When I got off work, I called Sheila (she didn't answer...I blame the 3 hour time difference)...so I called Nancy (also a 3 hour time difference but the other way) and talked to her. But then we got disconnected so I tried BJ, but she didn't answer. By then it was time for prime time TV! So I started watching The Big Bang Theory which I have missed several episodes of because it's not available on the Internet. Then BJ called me back and we chatted a while...then How I Met Your Mother and Heroes was on...so I successfully kept myself distracted and mentally never alone for most of the day. But now I need to shower...and I can't really talk on the phone while in the shower and I can't obsessively check my email or Goodreads while in the shower. So it's tricky...maybe I'll just shower in the morning. That way I'll be really tired in the morning and my head will be too cloudy to think.

I'm currently reading Pride & Prejudice & Zombies. I'm not a zombie person...never seen a zombie movie...in fact, when I was little that Night of the Living Dead movie was always on my Uncle Billy's TV...freaked me out. Not to mention, I've always been terrified that dead people really will rise up from the grave and try to kill me. I blame my Uncle Billy's TV...When my Granddaddy died (I was 5 or 6), I was so freaked out I couldn't sleep by myself for years. And funerals freak me out...I can't go to a funeral that's open casket because I won't be able to sleep alone for days. In fact, after a brief stint of obsessively watching scary movies in high school and for about a second in college, I completely gave them up. I can't watch scary movies alone. I did break down and go see the new Prom Night with my friend Vanetta, but I had issues sleeping after that...anyway...I digress. The point is, I'm not reading it for the zombies. Pride & Prejudice is one of my favorite books and Pride & Prejudice & Zombies is hilarious. I believe Jane Austen would be a Buffy fan if she were alive today...and I think that if she were a modern lady, she would have added zombies herself. It's definitely Joss Whedon kitschy. I love it! I can't wait to get my copy of Pride & Prejudice from my sister so I can read it again (for the 30th time) and see exactly what changes were made.

On to something more distracting and less devasting.

2009-04-26T22:43:00.002-07:00

I just got an email from a classmate about my presentation on Tuesday (the Ethics project). First let me say that I get terribly nervous whenever I have to speak in front of a group in a formal fashion. I'm fine when it comes to just speaking up, but if it's a PRESENTATION, I have a hard time breathing and I can't make eye contact. But on Tuesday, I suffered through. I got my professor's comments back today and they were good! However, it's even better to get a positive peer evaluation. It was totally unexpected!

So I worked pretty hard on my presentation, so it's good to get feedback that supports my hardwork. On the flipside, I had a resource evaluation in my reference class that I did not work hard on and I got full credit for it. This is something that people were asking if it should be 15 pages long and mine was just over 2.5 pages. Apparently, my 2.5 pages was enough. When I wrote it, I felt like what I wrote was enough to accurately describe the material I evaluated...and in a professional setting, no one is going to have enough time to read and truly give a COMPLETE evaluation of a reference book...but I know I didn't do my best work. And to be rewarded for not doing my best makes me feel really cruddy. However, I'm currently on my way to getting a perfect 'A' in this class.

In my Organization class...I already have my final grade. I spent 30 minutes on the final assignment and got the most points on it than any of the others. Now I just have to attend class on Tuesday to make sure he doesn't drop any participation points (I may have skipped class the past couple of weeks...it's just so pointless to go!).

how?

2009-04-26T22:29:00.004-07:00

I'm still in Phoenix, I'll head back to Tucson tomorrow morning for work...Mark is back in the hospital. Having tumors removed from your spine can really have an impact on the rest of your body. My sister said it tonight...that he might not survive. If the tumors in his spine hadn't caused so much pain, or if they just hadn't been there, we still wouldn't know. The tumor in his lower right quadrant or whatever lower quadrant it is in...it could have been there for years. He's not even 40. They have an 18 month old. And because of insurance the tests he was supposed to have on Thursday were delayed...they have to be approved. He's got cancer...tumors all over his body...what's another few days? Ridiculous.

family.

2009-04-24T23:15:00.003-07:00

I love being at my sister's house. I love playing with my niece. I love that there are always people here. I love all the dogs. I love the huge TV with a billion channels.

They just moved into this house at the beginning of April...a few days after they moved in they were robbed...a few days after that my brother-in-law was in the hospital for a week. So they haven't really had a chance to get settled. Today, we hung artwork and put photos out. It's finally starting to look like someone lives here! It's a home...not just a house.

Now that I've seen Mark, I'm feeling less scared...cancer is deceiving though. He has a cathater and he has to take all these pills. But he doesn't look sick. It's crazy that you can have something growing inside you and not have any idea that it's there. It's even crazier that you can go to a doctor in January for blood clots and after months you finally know what is wrong, and you aren't told that "it's a fluke." Blood clots as a fluke, what a great doctor!

.

2009-04-22T21:49:00.003-07:00

My brother-in-law was in the hospital for a week. I didn't go visit. I'm only 2.5 hours away, but I didn't want it to be real. He was finally released last night. They knew last week it was cancer, but they didn't know how bad or any specifics. Today I found out what they know. In simple terms, it's stage 4 lung cancer. He's getting a PETScan and another MRI tomorrow. I wish I didn't watch TV...I wish I didn't watch Grey's Anatomy...I wish the Internet didn't exist...I wish Mark didn't have cancer. I have to be strong for my sister, but here I might be weak. So bear with me...